Thank fucking God this year is done. Its both been the fastest ((barely can remember it)), and the slowest most painful, mind numbing one yet ((mostly if you pay attention to any politics or environmental events))

I am looking forward to January though. Which is strange to look forward to a new year. Mostly because of the two very basic challenges I have set for myself. I’m tired of spending money, especially when I have to justify it, and I’m tired of the hangovers at 3am when I need to get to work.

Yes I do have more gifts to send out and people I need to pay back and I will figure something out. I hope. Because they deserve everything and nothing but the best.

The time to reflect has always been a thing throughout December. Its hard to think about the good times when they play brain melting Christmas music on repeat at work for the entire month.

But over all this year – besides the work place hazards and write ups – has been a good one. I do have my photographs from events, reminding me of the places I had gone, people who I’ve spent time with, and new additions to my life.

Yes I wish I had done better, mostly with my money. Its more or less, its my money and I like to buy things to fill that void in my life, and I just don’t see a point in saving for the future when I have very little to live for. Let alone leave behind anything but my hoard of trinkets.

I do have Aspen and Sage and they both will probably live for 20 some odd years, so that adds a bit more time for my life.

As the night closes and i bring in yet another new year by myself, dreading work the next morning, I just want this year to be softer. Softer at work, softer to myself, softer in general.

I’m tired of hating the world and being so bitter about waking up each day. Wondering when I can just go to bed, and never wake up with out the guilt.

In the same vine, I want to finally prove to myself that I can do something. That I can save the money and be sober for a month.

Its just thirty days.

And before I know it, I’ll just be back, sitting on this couch, ringing in 2027…..as if nothing happened…again…