Seriously. Teeth are dumb.

So i got braces for my 34th birthday, like the adult that I am. Sigh. I got a mix of rubber bands and invisi line retainers. And if all goes according to plan, I will be done in 45 weeks

Well we just barely started week three and I already want to yeet myself off a cliff. Because the section in the back top right molar area, is far too loose and wiggles way too much – its not even clasped to the tooth itself!?

My entire mouth is turning inside out.

This morning was not ideal say the least. I’ve gone to work with worst hangovers and upset tummies before, but I’ve noticed my tolerance for alcohol has changed. Unfortunately this is my biggest vice and addiction. Something i really do need to work on or limit maybe. Some how. Some way.

Reaching out to others has never been my best trait – or lack there of. And the thought of going to a support group – well in a small town like this that may very well be a shot in the foot. You never know who you’ll find. And that scares me out of ever taking such steps.

I’d had to get fired over someone at work finding out about this flaw.

I internalize it very rarely hinting at it being there. But lately, especially with money being as tight as it should be and my spending habits to get that dopamine fix, its just not going well.

I’ve more or less given up on several things for whatever hell scape future I may have to deal with. So drinking has become a thing to pass the time. There are several reasons ranging from boredom to forgetting a shitty work day to just the habit.

I always seem to be just looking forward to drinking to forget the world.

And its been working.

I can barely keep track of days, if I had Starbucks before work, hell even placing my glasses down has become an issue.

I just – don’t know what to do and it sucks.

But I want to change.

But I don’t know how to.

I don’t think I hold myself accountable to these sort of goals or accomplishments because. I never found value in of myself to make anything I do worth while.

However, this dumb spontaneous birthday gift to myself, has been something.

Its been ages since I’ve written a journal like thing.

So i guess – this is a change.

A something forward.